I get hammered forget that you exist

Sometimes it’s easier to fall in love with a song when you know you shouldn’t. Some words are too close to home, there is sometimes a rising interlude or calming coda that makes your breathing heavy. It’s easier to fall when you never notice the ground disappear.

Some songs bring out the worst in me. If a song is too emotional, if it connects too much, sometimes it can just be confusing, whether those emotions were ever yours in the first place, or whether the right piece of music at the right time fills you up. A song should not be able to make decisions for you. But those words can breed ideas in your head. Something somewhere has gone wrong and a skilled hand wants to fix it, and you want to be fixed. Its too easy, sometimes, to lapse into over-analysis. I don’t think we all share the same pain, but sometimes two people go through eerily similar circumstances, and one has the power to put the experience to music, and the other listens in, understanding and believing where there should just be dull and passive acceptance.

Would it be easier if life didn’t have this effect on me? Would it be easy to take your emotional cues from “real-life” events? There’s a reason music can choke you up, though, and its because of shared knowledge. We can’t all understand the same situations but maybe, in small groups, we can know the reactions of others, and they can become our own reactions. I don’t think I can explain much better.

i’m working on my backwards walk
walking with no shoes or socks
and the time rewinds to the end of may
i wish we’d never met then met today

i’m working on my faults and cracks
filling in the blanks and gaps
and when i write them out they don’t make sense
i need you to pencil in the rest

i’m working on drawing a straight line
and i’ll draw until i get one right
it’s bold and dark girl, can’t you see
i done drawn a line between you and me

i’m working on erasing you
just don’t have the proper tools
i get hammered, forget that you exist
there’s no way i’m forgetting this

i’m working hard on walking out
shoes keep sticking to the ground
my clothes won’t let me close the door
these trousers seem to love your floor

i been working on my backwards walk
there’s nowhere else for me to go
except back to you just one last time
say yes before i change my mind

say yes before i…

you’re the shit and i’m knee-deep in it

you’re the shit and i’m knee-deep in it

you’re the shit and i’m knee-deep in it

you’re the shit and i’m knee-deep in it


About Alex Pavitt
I work in the field of emotion. My tools are instinctual feelings and my laptop is the medium between my brain and the outside world. I deconstruct and rebuild. I imagine. I steal other people's lyrics because somtimes, my own words aren't enough. I spend all of my time somewhere inside my head. I worship Douglas Adams, and in the back of my mind I am always painfully aware that I will never be as good as him or, for that matter, anybody else.

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